Archive for November, 2008
One of my goals on this year’s birthday list is to throw a giving party. It’s also the first item that will be crossed off of this year’s list as I am hosting two giving parties this week with a few friends. Since this is the season for giving, I thought I’d share the blog for the live small GIVE BIG 2008 giving parties with you in case you are interested in exploring alternative giving with some of your friends and family this year. Keep checking it out for new posts and updates throughout December!
My essay for Skirt Magazine’s November issue won’t be online much longer so I hope you’ll go check it out right now if you haven’r already.
Here is the background: each month, Skirt Magazine invites a feminist to write an essay about any feminist issue of her choosing. I chose to write about the danger of staying in a relationship that isn’t right. “There is never a day where it is better to be in a relationship that undermines, undercuts, manipulates, abuses, or takes advantage of us over being single and in a relationship with ourselves that is filled with self-love,” I write in this piece.
Feel free to leave comments on the Skirt! board or here. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Want a teaser?
Here’s the first paragraph. Clicking on it will take you to the rest of it!
The first time it happened was on a cruise ship. We were seniors at two separate high schools, and our senior classes were taking their unofficial graduation trips together through the Atlantic Ocean. He chose to go. I chose not to. But I made him a mix tape so that he could have me there in spirit, one with great classic rock songs that would come back to bite me, like Love the One You’re With. It turns out he did (love the one he was with).
Tis the season for counting our blessings so in that spirit, I thought I’d start a stream of consciousness list of some things that I am grateful for in my life. I know it won’t be comprehensive, but it’s a start. I’d love to hear some things that show up on your list, too!
1. My family– I’m a lucky girl.
2. My friends and mentors. I am so happy to have been able to reconnect with old friends and make new ones through the Hijas Americanas experience, and I am lucky to have wonderful people in my everyday life. My cup runneth over!
3. To be able to do work that I love everyday (I still marvel that I do a lot of it dressed like a teenage boy in gym class) and to do it with editors whom I respect and enjoy.
4. The wonderful group of people who have invested themselves into Circle de Luz in some way– whether as board members (the CdL board members are a force!), Mijas, general donors, Hijas, or partners. Realizing Circle de Luz has been onf of this year’s biggest surprises and triumphs.
5. Having followed the path that life lead us on to meet the baby that might very well become our little boy.
6. The opportunity to teach again with my body image seminar and the budding return to teaching adult continuing education classes next year.
7. Fluff ‘n Nutter, my affectionate nickname for Lola, and the way that her quirkiness makes me laugh and her earnestness makes me smile. She’s a soulful pup beneath all her crazy.
8. We all know that I am grateful for cupcakes. I’ll add my mother-in-law’s brownies to the mix, too– they are dynamite! Who needs turkey and stuffing when you can have cupcakes and brownies?
You know about the 35 gift challenge that I undertook to lead up to my 35th birthday last week. Here’s the final round up of the 35 gifts!
#12 I made extra Corn Souffle and took portions to each of our neighbors.
#13 Mailed a package to a friend currently serving in the war.
#14-25 Bought thank you gifts and delivered them and heartfelt thank you notes to friends who have hosted showers for us.
#26 Stayed up until midnight to call my dad just as his birthday began. He’s a midnight owl and I am an early bird so he was especially surprised which was fun.
#26-28 Left three big tips for a few service-related bills because I figured people in service fields are probably seeing fewer customers these days and, thus, are seeing much less income from the tips they count on to make ends meet.
#29 Bought my little nephew a couple children’s books to help him deal with the death of their dog.
#30 Went to a student art exhibit to show support for a young woman who took one of my workshops last month.
#31-32 Offered to have a meal (two separate meals) with two women who are interested in becoming writers.
#32 Packed a couple brown lunch bags with sandwiches, bite size chocolates, cut-up fruit, and other little snakcs for my parents’ plane flight for a trip they just departed on.
#33 Helped my mom pack for her trip.
#34 Gave a girlfriend a dress for a wedding she has coming up– and insisted that she get it altered to fit her perfectly and then enjoy it for years to come.
#35 Packed up 6 Target size bags of clothes, shoes, coats, scarves, and gloves for the local clothing closet.
Charlotte’s Off-Broadway announces
AUDITIONS / AUDICIONES for
LIVING OUT by Lisa Loomer
Auditions Sun Nov 30 and Mon Dec 1
Show runs February 19 – March 7, 2009
at the Great Aunt Stella Center in Charlotte, NC
AUDITIONS for the
Charlotte’s Off-Broadway production of
LIVING OUT by Lisa Loomer
Audiciones (CHARLOTTE’S OFF BROADWAY)
Audiciones para la obra de teatro: LIVING OUT de Lisa Loomer
Sun Nov 30, 2 pm – 4 pm Plaza Presbyterian Church, 2304 The Plaza
Sun Nov 30, 7 pm – 9 pm Latin American Coalition, 4949-B Albemarle Road
Mon Dec 1, 7 pm – 9 pm Great Aunt Stella Center, 926 Elizabeth Avenue
ACTORS! Charlotte’s Off-Broadway announces open call auditions for LIVING OUT, a play about working mothers, Latina nannies and the white women they work for. Production is in English; Latina/o characters also speak some Spanish. Production dates February 19 – March 7, 2009 at Great Aunt Stella Center.
Paid roles (honorarium). Casting 6 women (3 Latina; 3 white) and 2 men (1 Latino; 1 white). Auditions will consist of cold readings from the script. Please bring headshot and resume, if available. For more information about the auditions or the show, please call the director at (704) 589-9146 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
Audiciones (CHARLOTTE’S OFF BROADWAY)
Audiciones para la obra de teatro: LIVING OUT de Lisa Loomer
domingo 30 de noviembre 2pm-4pm
Plaza Presbyterian Church, 2304 The Plaza
domingo 30 de noviembre 7pm-9pm
Coalición Latinoamericana, 4949-B Albemarle Road
lunes 1 de diciembre 7pm-9pm
Great Aunt Stella Center, 926 Elizabeth Avenue
LIVING OUT es una obra de teatro que cuenta la historia de las madres latinas que trabajan como niñeras y sus jefes, mujeres angloamericanas. LIVING OUT es una obra bilingüe en inglés y español.
La obra se presentará desde el 19 de febrero hasta el 7 de marzo de 2009, en el Great Aunt Stella Center, cerca del centro de Charlotte.
Precisamos de 6 mujeres (3 latinas y 3 angloamericanas blancas) y 2 hombres (1 latino y 1 angloamericano blanco). La audición consiste en la lectura de unas escenas de la obra. Por favor, traiga su foto y su résumé a la audición si es posible. Los actores seleccionados recibirán compensación por su trabajo.
Para más información llame al (704) 589-9146 o escriba al email@example.com
I was cleaning out my sent items today and came across an email that I sent out about this time last year. A reader emailed me and mentioned that she had just ended a bad relationship and she was having a hard time finding any self love both because the relationship had beaten her down emotionally and also because she was disappointed in the way that she had allowed herself to get beaten down. I thought I would share my reponse and advice:
Hooray—you are taking the next step. You wallowed a bit and now it sounds like you want to move to the next step. You are doing great! So building up one’s self-esteem is hard work, but it sounds like you are ready. The great thing is that it is the best gift you can give yourself and your children. Here are some steps that came quickly to mind (a little prescription for yourself, if you will). You don’t have to do all of them at once, you don’t have to do all of them. They are just things that have worked for me. You can do these for a bit, see how they are going, and make any tweaks necessary.
1. Get a journal and get the book The Artist’s Way. Read the premise. See if you can commit to doing the 12 week session. I did it at 23, and it was revolutionary for me. Revolutionary. If you can commit to it, choose a start date and go.
2. I find that my sense of self has always come from believing more in what I do than in what I am (ie what I look like or what role I play). Having a positive self-esteem is in part about doing things that are worthy of esteem— doing esteemable acts. Here are the things that have worked for me.
- I try to have meaningful interactions with people. I try to offer good advice and listen well. I try to offer the parts of my experience that might be helpful. By being helpful to the people in my world, I find that I have a real sense of fulfillment.
- Find a way to contribute to the world— there are so many ways to volunteer and/or engage in one’s community that is outside of yourself and outside of your family or job. Find one.
3. Quit analyzing out loud for a period of time. Do it in your journal and keep your motions, actions in forward momentum.
4. Write a list of 15 things to do before the end of 2009. Have fun things, practical things, and daring things on it and maybe even a thing or two that you want to change, then start planning on how you are going to achieve them. Then start achieving them.
5. Do not give anyone—including yourself—permission to demean you. Call yourself on it and anyone else. Someone demeans you, disengage immediately.
6. In your journal, write down a list of strengths you see in yourself. Revisit it when necessary.
7. Do something nice for yourself every week. Can be something little (a bubble bath, painting your toe nails, buying yourself a lovely piece of costume jewelry,etc)—just do something that celebrates and pampers you.
What are the things that make your list for ways to pamper, care for, champion, and love yourself?
Wear high heels? Here’s a story I did for the Charlotte Observer style section on care of the soles.
And a fun story from behind the article: I saw the doctor featured in this story this past Saturday, just a couple days after the article had been published. She told me that there were patients signing in for their appointments on the day the article came out and when the receptionist would ask why they were there, they would say, “I’m here to see Dr. Day’s shoes.” Then, on Saturday, she was shopping at the Gap when someone came up to her and said, “You’re the lady from the article.”
Get involved to make a change!
Saturday, December 6 at 12:00 pm
This Self-esteem building event is FREE for teen girls and parents!!!!!!
Every day, we are bombarded by hundreds of airbrushed images of “beauty.” These images have the power to affect how we see our bodies and ourselves. How can we encourage young girls, teens and women everywhere to embrace a more positive image of themselves, both inside and out?
You can start by participating in this upcoming Dove Real Beauty Workshop!
The workshops are FUN, EDUCATIONAL, AND INTERACTIVE sessions for young girls ages 8-12, teens 13-16 and their adult mentors: mothers, relatives, friends. Learn how society creates “ideal” images of beauty and how to engage girls/teens in a healthy dialogue about self-esteem.
Yoga, free snacks and take-home workbooks will be provided. Register now….space is limited!!!!
When: 12-3 pm, Saturday, December 6
Where: The University of Phoenix, 10925 David Taylor Drive, Room 105
(Charlotte/I-85 off Mallard Creek & Mallard Creek Church Rd)
Wear: comfortable, casual clothing (think sweats) for sitting and brief yoga stretch
Register: email Professor Kelly Finley at firstname.lastname@example.org.
What is a Dove Workshop? Go to http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home.asp
You may have noticed that one of the things on my list of 35 things to do before turning 36 is to host a giving party. So what’s a giving party? It’s an opportunity to celebrate a moment in life- a birthday, the holidays, etc- by focusing on giving in an alternative fashion. And I am so excited to say that I am joining with two friends to host two giving parties this December. In our case, as we prepare to celebrate the holidays with our loved ones, we wanted to create an easy way to celebrate our relationships in a meaningful way that does not necessarily add one more sweater, bath gel set, or electronic razor to our often already full closets and drawers. With our live small GIVE BIG celebration, we are hosting a handful of non-profits at two giving parties that allow our guests to learn about what each non-profit does and then make donations to the non-profits of their choice in honor of the people who they wish to remember this holiday season. Maybe Ed will ”buy” carbon offsets as a gift for his brother John who is flying in for the holidays. Maybe Amy will ”donate” a month’s care for a rescued dog to the local animal shelter in honor of her dog-loving sister. Maybe Kate and Sean will ”adopt” a World Vision child for the year in honor of their children. The opportunities for celebrating the people in your life with an alternative gift are numerous, and by living small and giving big, all of us can have a happier holiday season! Want to learn more? You can check out this article I wrote about another giving party.
You know about the annual birthday to do list. Here’s an excerpt of the list I just drafted for the coming year…
Get a second book contract.
Return to teaching writing and self-awareness workshops locally.
Circle de Luz
Earn $25,000 in grants/ program donations for Circle de Luz programming purposes.
Work up to running six miles or for an hour regularly.
Incorporate daily walking and stretching into my daytime schedule.
Read 35 books.
Create and work from a family budget.
Clean out mom and dad’s attic/house (this one has been on the list for about 5 years).
Throw a giving party.
Take a cooking class.
Take a creativity, self-awareness or writing class/retreat.
Go horseback riding.
Walk or ride my bike to local downtown activities.
Start painting again.
Landscape the back yard.
Create the perfect back deck space.
Remodel the guest bathroom.
Clean out our attic (yes, I can get rid of my lesson plans from 1996).